So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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