We won't sleep together?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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