bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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