what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
