As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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