you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love you. Go after that dick
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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