I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
