You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
