Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize