i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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