i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
