are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
