how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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