Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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