The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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