I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
