i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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