I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
