arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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