It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
