I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
