I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
