Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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