I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
