He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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