this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
