No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
