I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
