I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
