That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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