What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
