help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
