My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
