Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive

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(641): View more from Iowa

Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.

Fav 6 3099 1150
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(315): View more from New York

mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'

Fav 23 1123 3923
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"

Fav 5 1025 1541
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.

Fav 14 4285 836
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(312): View more from Illinois

he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?

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(510): View more from California

My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.

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(587): View more from Alberta

How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.

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