eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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