I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
