i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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