dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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