I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
