i don't like sucking hair
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
