I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
