Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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