Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
