I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
