I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
