she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
