How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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