I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
