What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
