"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Holy shit dude........stairs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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