It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
