Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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