im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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