U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
