Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
