im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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