I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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