Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
