I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
