haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
