I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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