Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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