Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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