I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
