Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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