His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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