yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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