Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
